Golf In Heaven

Two avid golfers are out on the links on beautiful spring day. While waiting for a foursome in front of them to finish up, one turns to the other and asks “Hey Roger, do you think there is golf in heaven?”

“I dunno,” Roger replies, “but if one of us gets there first and finds out, he should make an effort to communicate to the one still living and let them know.”

“It’s a deal,” Sam tells him and they continue their round of golf.

Two months later Sam suddenly drops dead from a heart attack, a few days after the funeral he comes to Roger in a dream.

“Hey Roger, I have some good news and bad news. The good news is that there is golf in heaven and the courses are unbelievable and you can play a different one everyday.”

“Jeez,” Roger dreams, “what could possibly be the bad news?”

Sam picks up Rogers thoughts and replies, “You have a tee time at 8:30 tomorrow morning.”

I heard this joke at my gym this morning. My personal trainer, an irascible Irishman named Tim Gallagher, told me the joke after we discussed the statistic I read on the Newsweek website that 850 people a day die in America from sudden heart attacks. That is more than breast cancer, lung cancer, stroke and AIDS combined.

I told Tim, who also happens to have a family history of heart disease, that it would probably be a good idea to make sure all of your affairs are in order since you never know when you could get one of those last minute tee times.

Holiday Stress Test

First of all let me apologize for not posting the past few days. The holidays have taken over at our household and I find my discretionary time to be at a minimum. There are are Christmas cards to get out, shopping to be done and mastering og multiplication tables to be completed.

Huh?

The point is, that on top of all the extra activities that the holidays bring on we still need to focus on the mundane things that normally eat up our time. My current challenge is help my nine year old daughter master her multiplication tables. We are employing a variety of strategies and having limited success. Does anyone know of a good software program for kids that could help here?

Anyway, on top of all the normal chaos that comes with the holiday season, I had the added fun of putting up a Christmas tree twice. I came home early the other day hoping to get some work done before I had to go meet Morgan at the bus stop. I came in, let the dogs out and was heading back out to my car when I heard a very loud CRASH. It was a glass breaking crash sound.

Sure enough, my ten foot Christmas tree which had stood steadily for three days suddenly decided to give into an unseen indoor wind and toppled over onto the hardwood floors in the foyer. Broken ornaments littered the area, so much for getting any work done that day. For the next few hours I cleaned up the mess, moved the tree back out to the garage and removed the tangled morass of lights while Mama Wordbones cleaned up the water and pine sap that remained behind.

The thing is, I didn’t let it stress me too much. Sure, at first I was angry but then who was really angry with except me?

I certainly couldn’t blame Mama Wordbones. In our house we actually have two Christmas trees because years ago Mama Wordbones decided that a real tree was just much dam trouble. She now happily unpacks her fake tree and places in the living room while I still go the traditional route with a live tree in the family room. If anything I was extremely grateful that Mama Wordbones helped me at all. She could have easily retreated to her fake tree in the living room and sipped a hot cocoa while I slaved away at cleaning up my natural disaster.

But this is Christmas after all and in the spirit of the holidays she pitched in and helped me reconstruct my tree. It is now back up, complete with a new tie back to the wall behind it (Mama Wordbones suggestion) and some ornaments that look like they came from the Island of Misfit Toys.

Tis The Season

As I was returning from a shopping trip yesterday I turned on to my street and saw an ambulance and a fire truck three houses up from mine. In our county a fire truck accompanies every ambulance call for some reason. If there is a firefighter reading this blog perhaps you could share the reasoning of this. It seems to be overkill to me.

Anyway…

The presence of the ambulance on my street recalled to mind an Associated Press story that my colleague, Tom Whelan forwarded to me last week. Apparently the holiday season is also heart attack season. In addition to the rich meals, alcohol, and extra stress that the holidays bring on, there is an added denial dimension. No one wants to be a buzz killer by complaining of chest pains at a holiday gathering. Many folks ignore will ignore the warning signs of an impending heart attack by writing it off as bad indigestion.

That’s a big mistake. Time matters when dealing with a heart attack. The longer the delay, the more damage to the heart and the longer your ass will be in recovery.

Take heart. If you experience any of the warning signs of a heart attack, call 911 immediately. Besides, the arrival of an ambulance and fire truck on your street could add some excitement to an otherwise dull holiday party. It will give your friends and family something to talk about for years to come and just might insure that you will be around to share in them.